Review: Smashburger

You never know what's going to pop up around here. As I mentioned in my Pepsi Throwback review, food, especially of the fast kind, certainly counts as popular culture, so when I get the opportunity, I'll review that as well.

Smashburger is a new fast-food chain out of Colorado that probably doesn't exist in your state, but odds are they'll be there in a couple years. The name refers to the cooking process, wherein a ball of ground beef is "smashed" quickly at high heat onto the grill, resulting in a flavorful, homemade quality to the burgers.

I went there today, finally, after hearing about them a couple months ago. I ordered the Spicy Baja burger in a 1/3 pound weigh (they also have 1/2 pound burgers), a side of Smash Fries, and a Coke. The burger comes with the usual trimmings, and the Baja includes pepperjack cheese, guacamole, and jalepeno peppers. Smash fries are regular shoestring fires gussied up with rosemary and sea salt or something. I presume you are all familiar with Coca-Cola.

The burger was delicious. It was hot, a little messy, and full of real beef flavor. It was also genuinely spicy. I liked it a lot. The fries, however, were a let-down. They were just this pathetic little handful of shoestrongs in a basket with some spices on them. The rosemary and whatnot didn't really add much, there weren't enough fries to begin with, and shoestring fries frankly are always cut way too thin for my liking: there's too much crispy and not enough fluffy potato goodness. The Coca-Cola was cold, refreshing, and refillable.

Here's the part where I complain about the price. It was $10.12 (including tax) for a fucking fast-food meal. No amount of smashing and sprinkling with rosemary can justify paying ten bucks for a meal in a fast-food restaurant, unless the food is so fucking amazing that you literally ejaculate on your own face with gluttonous ecstasy. The service was very nice, and they brought your food to the table, but guess what: they do that at Carl's Jr., too, and they don't skimp on the fries, either. The lack of combo meals on the menu also exacerbated the problem, although the fries do cost less if you order them with a sandwich (you probably also get less of them, but I didn't investigate this suspicion). I could have gone to a real restaurant with a friend and gotten a big-ass burger, drink and a huge plate of fries for about $20 for the two of us. There is just no explicable reason for them to charge so much for their food.

All in all, I guess it was a satisfying burger meal, even though the fries sucked and I can't dodge the feeling that I just got ripped off. Final conclusion: there isn't anything at Smashburger that will make me choose it over Salt Lake's legendary Crown Burgers a second time. It's all about the pastrami.