Confession: I have never loved a Guillermo del Toro movie. I have seen three of them: Blade II, Hellboy, and Pan's Labyrinth, which I think anybody would admit is a fair sampling of his output, and my reactions have ranged from flat dislike to shrugging dismissal to crushing disappointment.
As a director, he has a definite visual flair, and I respect and admire his dedication to old-school practical effects and makeup techniques. He undeniably is the best director working with fantasy properties today when it comes to pure technical know-how. His movies just look so pretty, and are filled with such love of craft, that I think many viewers are unable to really look at them critically.
Blade II was just...wow. To tell the truth, I hardly remember anything about this movie except being terribly bored by the entire thing. Harry Knowles posted an infamous review of this movie at Aint It Cool News that compared del Toro's directing style to cunnilingus, and if that's really the case, the ladies del Toro has gone down on have my sympathy, because they probably experienced a lot of enthusiastic lapping and showmanship that ultimately amounted to nothing. It's a dark, ugly, confusing movie, that amongst its many sins completely wastes Donnie Yen, undeniably one of the most exciting martial arts performers on the planet. This is probably going to offend somebody out there, but I prefer Blade: Trinity, which is at least bouyed by the charisma of Ryan Reynolds, Jessica Biel and Parker Motherfucking Posey. And if there's anything a Blade movie needs, it's charisma, since Wesley Snipes sure isn't bringing it to the game.
Hellboy is another example of some exciting production design and costume work ruined by a story that makes no sense at all. I've seen this movie about three times, each time trying really hard to like it, but I can't really defeat all of the overboiled nonsense on display with my pure love of Ron Perlman in possibly the greatest piece of all-body makeup ever. Again, pretty pictures and fantastic effects work are no replacement for good story. They never have been; they never will be (right, James Cameron?). I haven't seen the sequel, which many online movie types spunked all over, but by all appearances it's more of the same shiny rubbish. It's not even on my NetFlix list.
Then there's Pan's Labyrinth, which has been called a "masterpiece" so many times that del Toro should probably look into trademarking that word. Is it a fantasy movie? Is it a drama about Spanish fascism? Is it about a troubled child's imagination? Is any of it real? Does anybody even fucking care? Because I sure don't. This entire exercise (and don't be mistaken: it is a pure exercise, rather than a real movie) just left me cold and irritated. Once more the level of personal attention to detail, both in terms of the period and the design, is meticulous. Del Toro is a superficially exacting craftsman, pouring so much love and sweat into the look of his movies, while forgetting to shore it all up with a fucking concrete foundation of story and logic. Things happen in this movie, and others, for no more reason than because they would be cool, or would allow him to play with a new makeup effect, or would present a little production puzzle to solve.
Again, let me say it for the nth time, I have nothing but admiration for Guillermo del Toro's work ethic, for the handmade feel of his films, for his unabashed enthusiasm for his work. But I don't watch movies because I'm looking to find a new child's drawing to hang on the fridge. Movies don't endure because they've been given an "A" for effort.
Del Toro is making the film adaptation of The Hobbit, and I'm excited about it because it's The Hobbit, but I fear that the twin self-indulgent tendencies of del Toro and producer Peter Jackson are going to make a hyperbolic, bombastic mess of what is essentially a low-key children's adventure story. It's a very simple egg to crack: Bilgo goes there, and then he comes back again.
Don't fuck this one up, Guillermo.
2 comments:
I've got agree with you on this one. I tried to like both Hellboy and the atrocity that followed, but even though there was so much potential, they just fell flat. Pan's Labrynth was pretty but not something I'll probably watch again, and I won't even speak of Blade II. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't wreck The Hobbit, or I might have to start boycotting his flicks...
I think the fact that he's an overweight nerd has a lot to do with the buckets of love he gets, to be honest. For proof, look no further than Peter Jackson's weight loss, which coincided almost perfectly with everybody taking huge critical shits on his movies. For the record, KING KONG ruled.
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